Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts

Saturday, 3 November 2012

Am I just mum?

I adore my children but sometimes feel like life becomes very monotonous and mundane. Every so often I feel like I need to do something different just to prove to myself that I do exist. It might sound a bit dramatic but days of school runs, cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing and refereeing fights that break out between the boys just all seem to roll into one. I spend most days answering constant 'why' questions, and I can go from one week to the next without having a decent conversation with my hubby.

My children are amazing and I love to listen and watch as as they learn and grow; but I would like to think that I am bringing then up to be independent. They are part of me but not an extension of me, and they will have their own lives without me one day. I am independent. I don't go running to anyone when I need something and I do not see my husband as my 'other half'. he is half of the relationship, not half of me. I am a complete person. I want my boys to feel the same.

I relish the evenings when the children are in bed and the house is all quiet (and if that makes me sound like a bad mother then I don't really care). The problem is that I'm usually so tired by this point that I end up going to bed soon after them.

My life is busy. I work in my office job two days a week, I do a bit of childminding on the other days, I've got three children of my own and the oldest two have after school activities which I take them to. I've got a blog (stating the obvious), I spend some time every day entering competitions, and believe it it not, I actually try to find time to see my friends too. There's some days where I don't actually sit down until long after the children are in bed.

I'm not someone who cleans constantly. In fact, if you came to my house most days it's a bit of a mess. It's really hard to keep on top of all those grubby fingerprints. I spend a lot more time thinking about cleaning than actually doing anything. So it's not like I could really cut back. I do have some standards. I do the washing and ironing on the weekends, but there's always more to do.

At the moment I'm supposed to be sorting things out ready for Christmas. We're trying to get rid of all the clutter so I've been sorting clothes (the baby clothes have now gone *sob*), old toys and games and now I've got loads of stuff to put on eBay. I just wish it wasn't all so time consuming. I do feel better when I am organised, but that doesn't happen very often.

The problem is that I feel like I need a break sometimes. I know that if I spent more time cleaning, and more time eBaying, then the house would look much better. But what about me? I already feel a bit frayed at the edges as I try to split myself so many different ways.

I recently read a comment where a mother was called a bitch for wanting and expecting some 'me' time. What is so wrong with that? I'd happily have a year off at the moment! My boys are the most important things in the world to me, but I'm still a person too. I'm not just mum. I like to think that my old self is still buried away in there somewhere.

Maybe I'm having an early mid life crisis. I feel like I need some fun and a break from my usual routine. The thought of doing the school run on Monday fills me with dread. Then off to work where nothing ever changes, then back home to sort out squabbling children before the nightmare that is the bedtime routine. Then replay that day for Tuesday too.

So what do I do? How do you manage to find a good balance, or is it even possible where young children are involved? Am I being totally selfish by wanting some time to be me?

Disclaimer: I wrote this post while feeling totally fed up in an early Saturday morning after a seemingly endless half term week. I may have just got up on the wrong side of the bed.

Sunday, 29 January 2012

What happened to January (and my resolutions)?

I was all set for a change this year.  I spent last year trying to feel my way through the disorganised mess that is my life so I really wanted to start this year with a plan.  I imagined myself with charts and timetables; using my smartphone to the max and being a super organised mum.  But I seem to have gotten to the end of January without doing any of it.  I frustrate myself!  I know that all it will take is to sit down and work it out.  I just always seem to find something better to do.  I haven't even managed to get my 2012 calendar yet!  My main problem is that I work best under pressure.  I've always been the same - writing GCSE essays the morning they have to be given in and 'socialising' (ahem) instead of going to A level classes and then cramming the night before an exam.  It's just the type of work that's changed now.  I still haven't done my tax return that's due on Tuesday (that'll be tomorrows job) and I WILL order my calendar tonight and hopefully it'll arrive before my current one runs out in 2 days.

So what's it going to take to change my ways?  I made my New Years Resolution to be more organised this year mainly because my life has changed and there's so much more that I need to fit in.  I have finally registered as a childminder and have got two little girls to look after, I'm still working in my other job two days a week, I've got my blog to write (I've been rubbish with it and need to change), my usual family/home life to manage plus I'd really like to start training as a Breastfeeding Counsellor this year.  That's not including trying to maintain a social life.

So how does everyone else manage it?  I sometimes wonder if I'm missing some vital piece of information that allows me to fit everything in.  Is there a book I should read?  A miracle diary that will manage my life?  Am I just doing something wrong?

I know I could do it if I didn't sit down (or sleep), but surely there must be an easier way.  If I'm going to give up my old job and work from home then things need to change.

I need to go from this to >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> this
I know I should start by making a list; get it all out of my head and onto paper.  I know I need meal plans and a cleaning timetable.  I know this but I'm still finding it hard.  Is it just that I'm not being disciplined enough?  I don't really know any other work at home mums so I'm not sure how others manage.  The only comment I've heard is that "something's got to give", but what?  The cooking, cleaning, looking after my children?  They all seem like pretty vital things to me.  Maybe one day I'll be able to afford to hire someone to do my cleaning for me, but at the moment I have to do it myself, and it's got to be done properly as my home is now my business place.  I've only just started childminding but I know I need to be organised from the start and have plans, menus and paperwork all in place.  Oh god, my head is spinning.  I think I need help!!

Demands from the kids, demands from the hubby...... I'd better go, I'm being called again......!!

Sunday, 12 June 2011

Here goes.....

Right, well here I am.  My very first blog post.  I've been putting this off for so long that  now don't know where to start!  I suppose I should say a bit about myself.  I'm Joanne, commonly known as 'Jo' to friends, or 'Mummy' to my three lovely boys. My oldest is Zac (5), then there's Ethan (3) and Oliver (8 months).  They are my world.and I would do anything for them.  One of the main reasons for starting this blog is so that I can document our family life, even some of the boring and mundane stuff.  Actually, especially some of the boring and mundane stuff.  Because my boys are growing so fast and I'm afraid I'm going to forget things.  I just wish I'd started sooner.

Some other stuff about me: I have been married for nearly 7 years.  Lots of ups and downs but we're still here, still together.  At the moment I'm on maternity leave from my part time job as Service Officer in Mental Health (less said about that the better), though I'm currently going through the registration process to become a childminder.

Other than my family, my favourite things in life are spending time with friends, entering competitions, and being online.  I thank Facebook for giving me back some sort of social life since having the children.  And now I've discovered twitter and a whole new world has opened up to me.

I hope you enjoy reading my blog.  I'm already looking forward to writing my next post.

Zac & Ethan