The Day That....

I got the birth I wanted.

I had my first son by emergency caesarean section after being induced.  It was amazing and I was instantly besotted with this tiny little bundle of joy.  I also had an overwhelming feeling of sadness that it hadn't been a natural birth.  I felt like my body had betrayed me.

I got my natural birth with my second son.  It was agonisingly painful but I got my gorgeous baby at the end of it and it was all worth it.  Except that I had to have three months worth of physiotherapy following his birth because I had traumatised my body while in labour due to having Symphisis Pubis Dysfunction.  I had done everything wrong when in labour.

When I was pregnant with my third son I was determined to get the birth right this time.  I was with the midwife when my waters broke.  They sent me home and my contractions started while I was driving.  I got home and my husband arrived ten minutes later to take me to the hospital.  I was trying to phone my mother as I wanted her with me but I couldn't get through to her.  We got to the hospital car park and there was nowhere to park and I started panicking.  I felt sick and realised that I was in transition and I screamed at my husband to just stop the car!  I didn't want to give birth in a car.  As I was getting out of the car I could see my mother walking out of the hospital towards me.  It felt so surreal and my husband later said it was like seeing an angel as we were both panicking by this point.  (I will point out that she was working at the hospital on this day and she had come out to try to phone me).  My mother took me up to labour ward while my husband got my bag and parked the car.  He only just made it as ten minutes later my beautiful baby boy was born.  I'd had a 40 minute scary, intense labour but it was perfect.  This photo of baby, myself and my mother was taken just 10 minutes after he was born.  I look at it and remember the happiness and joy I felt.

This is my entry into The Boy And Me The Day That competition.

Birthday Boy

I've had a busy few weeks what with the Easter holidays and the children being home, and then this week, my oldest boy turned six.  I still can't quite believe it.  I am now a mum to a six year old.  It may not sound like a big deal, but to me it feels huge!  I think it's because I've always seen the 0 - 5 age range as still being a baby.  Having a six year old means I've got a big boy.  So it was a week of celebrations and fun (plus a lot of stress for me).

The drama around his birthday has been going on for a few weeks.  Up to now I've always had a big birthday party for my him, inviting all my friends children, the whole class, and anyone else that I met in the run up to it.  But this year his birthday fell in the school holidays, and being totally fed up of inviting all 33 classmates and only getting about 5 replies, I decided that maybe it was time for him to start having smaller parties where he just invited his close friends.  After some complaining and nagging, he eventually gave in.  So a small party it is.  We still haven't actually had this as he doesn't go back to school until next week so we're going to have it then.

We did have a fantastic day on his birthday though.  I decided the day before his birthday to make a cake for him.  At this point I must admit that I did go to the supermarket and look at the cakes.  I almost gave in the the temptation, but decided while staring at the shelves of shop bought cakes, that a) it would be cheaper to make my own, b) mine would (hopefully) taste better and c) I wanted to do it.  It would mean that I had actually done something for him other than buy and wrap a few presents.

So, the morning of his birthday I made him a chocolate cake.  A few sweets and Mario cars and Voilà!

I'm quite proud of it.  Though what matters more is that Zac loved it.  So much so that he couldn't even wait until it was finished.........

Licking the spoon is the best bit!

We had a fantastic, fun-filled, family day.  It was busy and noisy and everything a birthday should be.  Happy birthday to my gorgeous, not-so-little boy.  The last six year have flown by but they have been the best years of my life so far.

The day my life changed forever

Experiences of childbirth

I've just read a great post on Mummy Daddy and Me Makes Three about her birth experience and it has started me thinking of my own.  Although my oldest is almost 6 years old now, I still remember every detail as vividly as if it was yesterday.  You may forget what the pain feels like, but the memory never goes away.

I went into hospital on Easter Sunday, 2006 because I thought my waters had gone.  It was six days before my due date and I was really excited.  After a really painful examination I started bleeding and so they wouldn't let me go home.  To cut a long story short, my consultant scanned me the following morning and said that it looked like the placenta was starting to deteriorate so they were going to induce me.  My husband and mother came over at visiting time and ended up staying because at my next examination I was bleeding again so I was transferred onto the labour ward.  I was hooked up to all the machines, watching contractions that I couldn't feel and happily enjoying some lunch.  It was calm and peaceful and, to be honest, quite boring.  I was just lying there with nothing to do, but I was too excited to try to sleep or read.

All of a sudden, everything changed.  The machines started beeping and doctors and midwives gathered around them.  I was looking at my mother, pleading with her to tell me it was going to be okay, but the next thing I knew the bottom end of my bed was being taken away and I had to sign a consent form for surgery.  I was taken for a spinal block and not long after my beautiful little boy was born.

Zac

I was instantly besotted and so happy and relieved that my lovely boy was safe and healthy.  I didn't even think about the way he'd been born at that time.  He was my little Easter present.  The day later we were discharged from consultant care and booked into the midwife-led unit.  Just before leaving my consultant told me that there shouldn't be any reason why I would need a caesarean section with my next baby, not that the thought of having a second had even crossed my mind at that point!  After spending another three days in hospital I was ready to go home.  As we were leaving I heard a woman obviously in labour, and it nearly broke my heart.  I was suddenly overcome with emotion at not being able to give birth naturally.  You could put it down to baby blues, but for months after I would have to bite back tears whenever I thought about it.  I adored my baby, and knew that having a c-section was for the best, but I had so many what ifs.  It wouldn't have changed who he was, or the bond we have, but it still made me sad.

When Zac was 8 months old I fell pregnant again.  I was booked in under consultant care as I was know classed as high-risk after having a c-section.  Thankfully, I had the same consultant as last time, and when he asked me if I would prefer to have an elective section or try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean), I knew immediately that it was the latter I wanted.  I was aware that I may end up having another c-section but I at least had to try.

I went into labour naturally and because I hadn't progressed very far in my previous labour, it was a classic first labour.  It took 23 hours, an hour and a half of pushing and a shot of pethidine before my second baby boy was born  It was exhausting and utterly agonising!  I haven't mentioned it before but I suffer from Symphisis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) in pregnancy.  I'd had physio, and she had advised me of the best way to labour and deliver, but I totally forgot all this and could only focus on the pain, which resulted in me doing everything wrong.  Looking back, most of the pain I felt had been in my hips and legs, but no-one picked up on it at the time so I put my body through trauma, and even ended up in stirrups to be stitched afterwards.  I couldn't walk and I was in so much pain.  I had to have three months of post-natal physio.  The recovery was worse than when I had my c-section.  Though I would have done it all again when I held my baby for the first time.

Ethan

I was so pleased that I'd had a natural birth, though that's just my personal feeling.  In fact, in a lot of ways the c-section had been easier (and certainly a lot less painful!)  I was made to stay in hospital overnight after having Ethan because I still couldn't walk properly and my consultant wasn't that happy with my recovery.  But the important thing was that I had my baby.

There was a three year gap before I had my third.  I was again, under the same consultant, and even though I'd had a successful VBAC I was still classed as high risk.  I suffered from SPD again and I was really concerned about my labour being the same as previously.  I was totally determined to do everything right this time.

Due to my c-section, I'm not allowed to go more than a week overdue so I was booked in for an early stretch and sweep.  I had my first one four days before my due date (on my birthday) and nothing happened.  Then had another one the day before I was due, and my waters broke in the middle of it!  At first they wanted me to go straight to hospital (I was in my midwife led unit at this point), but the hospital said that because I'd had a natural birth last time, that I could go home and wait for the contractions to start.  I drove home (alone) and my contractions started half way there.  I managed to get home, and luckily my husband got there just after me.  It wasn't long before the contractions were so bad I could barely walk so we jumped (well I waddled) into the car to go to hospital.  When we got there, there was nowhere to park.  I started to feel sick and then started panicking as I remembered feeling sick in transition last time.  I was so afraid that I was going to have the baby in the car.  I shouted at hubby to just stop the car, so he did, and as we were getting out, we saw my mother walking towards us.  She's a nurse and was working that day, and it seemed like a miracle at the time as she didn't even know that I was in labour.  Hubby went off to park properly as we were blocking loads of cars in, and my mother took me up to the delivery suite.

They told me to sit down, I couldn't.  Then they asked me for a urine sample so off I went to the toilet where I started pushing!  The midwife helped me back to the bed and within 10 minutes my third precious little boy was born.  It was amazing.  This time, I hadn't listened to anyone else and had just gone with what felt right.  It was still extremely painful, and very scary, but it was incredible at the same time.

Oliver 

No stitches, no pain afterwards, I was even in the same top that I was wearing when I went in.  We were in hospital for 6 hours before we were discharged.

Three babies, three completely different labours and deliveries.  Is there any difference?  I got the birth I wanted in the end, but I don't know if it really matters.  I adore my three boys, they all breastfed well and are all happy little boys now.  I'm glad I did it, and glad I've had the experiences, c-section included.  All that really matter is that they're here, safe, with me.